The Outsider: Persons of Interest
"I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him." Mark Antony from Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare.
He got on the bus at Goulburn and sat next to me. He smelt of cheap aftershave, cigarettes and bourbon. Part Blackfella - "Dunghutti man," he said - and fresh out of the Goulburn pen. Told me himself and what he did to get in there. He had a pair of cheap blue jeans pulled up high and a Parramatta football jersey on. Shaved head with an almost comically crooked nose smeared across his face. Deepset eyeballs in a bony face. A full head of hair combed and smeared back with Brylcream.
Ray was his name. Did a 37 year stretch for murder. Rumbled some bloke in the sack with his missus.
"I heard 'em first. Got a bit of plumbing pipe and stove his scone in. I'd do it again too, bruz. What's thirty years if a bloke can't walk down the street straight?"
I shrugged. How do you answer a question like that? "So where you headed, bruz?" he asked.
"Bells Beach."
"No shit, bruz? Bells Beach, eh. I used to do a bit o' surfing. Went to Bells Beach. Saw that fella MP wipe the floor with 'em in '75. Just before I went to jail. He still surfing?"
"He died. On Friday."
He let out a sorrowful whistle. "Shame. Damn shame, bruz. Well, we all gunna go one day. Drink up bloke." He pulled out a flask of bourbon and removed the lid.
He had a deep swig. "This one's for old MP, eh." Then passed the flask to me. The liquid sat in my stomach like a gurgling puddle of rancid mud.
"Hey," he leaned across so the smell of his aftershave was almost suffocating and said in a conspiratorial whisper, "MP was a blackfella. True, eh bruz. That's why he surfed them waves so fucking good. He had the spirit in him."
I'd left my wife and chilluns back in the golden light of a Lennox afternoon and now I was locked in a metallic box speeding down the blacktop with a convicted murderer. A fine old start to the campaign.
I felt the chill, broken needles of panic begin to spear my throat as Ray took another swig. Best not panic when escape is impossible and the cold wind of fate blows inexorably from a far shore. Relax and let go into the universal current. Trust in destiny.
It was a piccaninny dawn when I woke in the industrial wastelands which herald the city of Melbourne. Ray was slumped with his head resting on my shoulder, snoring loudly and dribbling heavily down my shirt.
No-one feels good about themselves after long distance bus travel, especially when they've been on the booze and joints with an ex-con fresh out of the pen, someone with whom you sleep with one eye open in case he mistakes you for a woman.
Salvation came with an early morning surf. I waited 45 minutes in a sparkling Winkipop lineup packed with pros for a wide set wave and called it an innings on the opening ride. Sure felt good to be cleansed of the road grime.
Jordy was in the first heat of the comp and looked majestic on one ride. It was enough to erase the memories of last year when apart from one massive closeout hit in the shorebreak he looked cumbersome and forced. Jordy plays it straighty-one-eighty with the surfing cliches and you won't get an answer to a question without, "I'm taking it one heat at a time".
"On paper, your surfing is a natural fit for Bells," I said to Jordy after the heat, "You've got the big power carves and the repertoire. Last year you seemed to struggle out there at times. You were much more in flow with the wave out there then."
"Yeah, last year I was stressing myself out because I really wanted it. But I'm not gunna hype it up too much this year. I'm just gunna take it one heat at a time, one wave at a time and surf it to the best of my ability."
"Oh, excuse me Jordy I just vomited a little on your foot"....no, no I didn't say that. I appreciate a good sporting cliche as well as the next hack, especially when delivered by a 6'2" Saffa ten kilos my senior.
"It was almost like you had to slow it down out there to go faster."
"Yeah, for sure, sometimes less is more."
"As far as the title goes [Jordy winces] you've been under a lot of intense scrutiny the last couple of years. Now that Dane has gone and we've got a new crop of hyped up kids on tour, that puts you under the radar a bit. How does that suit you?"
"Yeah, I'm just trying to do my thing. I'm not worried about a World Title. Obviously I want it but I'm not gunna think about it until the last event. Yeah."
Christ, that wall of cliche is impenetrable.
"Did that one high scoring wave feel like a performance benchmark of how you want to be surfing?"
"Nah, I think I got a lot more left in the gas tank. I played it safe on the whole wave. I think if I let loose I'm gunna be in the nine-five, ten range."
Finally the big Saffa shows some confidence.
At 6'3" and 84 clicks (around 185 pounds for our American brethren) Owen Wright has finally beefed up his boards and embraced the Occhilupo lesson from Margaret River. Judges fell in love again with single stage bottom turns and beefed up power hacks that weren't confined to the pocket. A singular Bells sermon that has fallen into dusty disrepute since Occy won the Skins in 1997. With a favourable mid section of the tour Owen needs a podium finish to cement world title credentials. Lessons were learnt from last year.
I asked Owen, "Judges showed at Margaret River they had fallen in love with classic backhand power surfing. Is that a way you could differentiate yourself from the new kids on Tour?"
"I've got a mixed bag," he replied, "But the one thing I like is that I can do a power turn when I want to. I'm not scared to put it on rail. It might not look as good as Occ but I'll be trying."
The afternoon fell into a weird somnolent rhythm. Complete flat spells were interspersed with six foot sets. Three Asian gentlemen asked me what was happening, they wanted to know when the match started. I tried to explain the format of Pro Surfing to them. "So when does it start?" they asked. "Now, it's on now."
They squinted out to sea and failing to find anything of interest in the gently heaving ocean they shuffled off the beach.
A Canon 7D and 200mm lens is the accessory de jour of every hipster of high school age and beyond. Never has surfing been covered by so many for the benefit of so few. Gordo the great with his ancient massive shoulder mount camera shouted in futile defiance at some kid setting up beside him with a 7D.
"Get those friggin skinny jeans away from me mate," He roared.
The kid looked briefly alarmed then placed ear buds in his ear, clicked the wheel on an iPod and placed his eye to the viewfinder.
It was just one of those days that finally fizzled out into obsolescence as the surf turned into scrappy jellyroll. Kelly got out of jail in the closing minutes. I spent the hour of golden light with another ex-con Maurice Cole, talking surfboards, over-development, global finance and the impermanence of existence.
We're all convicts of one kind or another - if we're honest that is.
It wasn't a bad opening day.
Comments
"Shaved head with an almost comically crooked nose smeared across his face.... A full head of hair combed and smeared back with brylcream"
A little crack in the magic?
I agree with The Roller. That first paragraph is gold. Was today April Fool's Day in Oz, perchance?
Just be thankful that Jordy didn't say "stoked"...
good to see you, Blasph. should we live blog the Bellls event right here?
what do you think so far?
"Was today April Fool's Day in Oz, perchance?"
Ha ha...thats so funny. Sizzling! Fnar fnar. You're on fire. Woot woot!
Welcome back Brewser. Great waves down at Bells, eh? Good surfing, commentary, product promotion. Yeah, loving it.
Hahaha...
Its just like the good old days Brew Stu Rolls... see u on the weekend Stu
I will be the Shaved Head Guy with the Full Head of Brylcreemed Hair!
Yeeah, I don't think you'll be seeing me Surfer Joe. I'm gonna be a long way away from Bells for this full moon.
Not so sure about the good old days either.
smokin joints and drinkin piss with ex-cons on the bus...you are an everyday friggin rockstar now mate...haha...
tell is some more about Ray....and what did Maurice have to say about board design ?....
Sgb 4 ft tandy rain pushing through freak sets way out back, kai kai keen in the afternoon shorey, sash mash agravatin argi as he digs for crabs. lovin your work brother, keep well your best bro.
@Stu
Enjoy your Easter and Safe Travels wherever your going
@ more
Do Friggin Rockstars smoke joints and drink piss with ex cons who have a Shaved Head and a Full Head of Brylcreemed Hair? (Oh Yes of Course... How silly of me... Maybe when they are on Acid and then the Con would have Two Heads!)
Hi Steve,
Did you take the photo of the "three Asian gentlemen" yourself, or lift it off the 'net? Can't recall Bells having an industrial backdrop like the one pictured.
Oh yeah, next time you speak to Maurice, try calling him a "Part Blackfella" and see what transpires. Ouch.
HS ,
Mate are you for real ,,,, the first photo of the bus , has a Yank flag on the Door and one on a Pole behind it .
As for Maurice , you'll have to ask him yourself ..... Maybe he would surprise you . He's a pretty proud man , but aknock about too .
PS , Everyone knows Bells has Pines on the Cliff , just like in " Point Break " ..... derr
@southey
and I know MC would HATE being called an ex con
Joe ,
He's on here all the time , so no doubt he'll let whoever know when and if he can be bothered .
I won't give away his avatar , but apparently he doesn't mind speaking of himself in the Third Person .
It's a shame about Ray.
Did someone say crack in the pipe?
Ray's been in prison.
I'd be more wary of mentioning a pipe in the crack.
Thieves about. Photographer, Peter 'Joli' Wilson was relieved of his camera equipment at the Rip Curl Pro today. If anyone has heard anything contact Joli directly or Swellnet
True that Stu, the Rip Curl Bells event production is top shelf. and the choice of music for each advert is the bomb.... dj/producers spinning the chill tunes, and that lead in with the laminating in blue, full core surf bru .
Oh, and the commentary, from Johnny Shmooks with his own personal pronunciations, to Jodi C seemingly all happy and "stoked" on something, to the extended post heat interviews, and the rest of the folks in the commentary box are quite the entertaining lads and lassies.
SurferJoe, What? you have iceheads and thieves in Vic?... if we were to believe barnoldy lemons like old rottkamp, we'd be lead astray and think that junk like that only happens on the North Shore!
Someone better do the right thing, and give Peter Wilson his gear back. Now!
southy, true that. even that photo of the Chinese dudes looks like a stock photo straight out of Hainan.
creative take. very entertaining work, Stevie xiǎo zī.
Yeah Rolls, Farken lowlifes... and Joli is such a nice guy, he'd help out anyone...
Better get the FBI, CIA, DEA, Texas Rangers and the NYPD on the case
Fuckin "A" Cock Ring! Smokin little write up that imo is the cream of the crop in surfing journo in 2012. Shame that in this age a writer, and person, of your caliber doesn't seem to make much dough from his craft. Oh well money is over rated anyway right?
Jordy is my new favorite surfer since Andy is gone. RAIL! GRUNT! Thats what matters mate. Geevum Donkey Cock!
Btw shark attack here on North Shore yesterday. 10 foot Tiger nailed a guy in the leg at Leftovers which was the location where a bobyboarder was eaten 15 years or so ago. Happened on a killer day of surf too.
@post-mark
Have you read it? Or are you being sarcastic?
"Shaved head with an almost comically crooked nose smeared across his face. Deepset eyeballs in a bony face. A full head of hair combed and smeared back with Brylcream." ????
thanks for the pictures of the bus and the asian gentlemen. wouldn't have known what the fuck you were talking about without them.
Mark brah, jouros are like Dj's, the pay is low, but the vibe is high.... and fortunately for us, they keep on doing what they love to do!
and speaking of dj's... here's yet another set by my mate, LDJ... mixing the goods, and bringing it the global community.
enjoy the positive vibes, y'all!
https://www.divshare.com/download/17292614-63f
Cheers Shep.
I caught a few moments of the comp last night but got sidetracked by rare evening beachbreak A frames in front of mi casa. Single fin felt nice. Couldn't turn for shit but the drops felt good.
Speaking of convicts, is there any chance you can hire your busmate to do a number on Joe Turpel? Nothing drastic. Maybe just clip the vocal chords on that parakeet. Or is the busmate convict akin to an actual Joe Turpel fan....figments of the imagination?
Agree with Mark. Jordy of the house of Newport clan looked good. And Kolohe and Julian need to watch more film of John John. No unnecessary movement or jive. Like Parko with hope.
nuggie, you going to let one guy who's style YOU might not dig bum out your days?
you know, like being out in the goods when a kook's clogging sea lanes, failing to turn a single fin.
Mark,
Correct. The pay is next to nothing. The only difference between a surf writer and a fast food employee is the pink slime goes in a different orfice.
Money overrated? pfffft.
pose that question to the unemployed.
Hey, rechearers have found out that the more sex, the happier the person, so having heaps of crumbs cannot be that bad!
Money can't buy happiness? double pfffft..... It sure can make you awfully comfortable while you're busy being miserable.
Isn't that right rottkamp?
@ "Surfer Joe"
Sorry Bro I refuse to have a conversation with a fucking kook with a name like yours and a picture of someone doing an air over a 1 foot closeout as their way of identifying themselves.
@Nug
Still rockin the funniest comments around I see. Too bad your superblog never panned out.
@Mark
The Superblog idea is still going strong. Me, Blas, Mike Hippy and Shearer would rule the online surfing world. All 117 people interested in such a thing would be out of there minds entertained. The goal would be to eventually have more contributors than readers. You know, like Surfer Magazine.
Steve Nug on fiyahhh!
MIke,
you actually surf. so you know 'em better than most... the barnolds who's only "claim" to actually surfing is that they hang in the parking lot, flapping the rubber lips....
and to quote you, anyone who's "on fiyahh", in a comment section,...
is a pure ghey burger.
so, in celebration of MP, and Rip Curl's top shelf 51st Annual Bells Pro which is currently pumping in his honor.... lets us get on to the real fyah....
Barbado's own Krosfyah.
Oil Pumping.
Bells is pumping? 3-4 foot and a highish tide. Long lulls. Not 1.5 hours drive south west, it is a very Hawaiian looking 8-10 foot with 12 foot bombs every 45 minutes. Rip Curl are such a "core" company....
hey haole, if you dig the pastures, and flies Stiv speaks of in his homegrown tome,
try Johanna, yah?
@ "post-mark"... what a stupid fuckin name and u dont have any pic fuckin nobody nothing kook
Yawn.. Do u think I give a rats arse about the shit u speak...
btw I didnt even think twice about the av the pic or the name... I dont give a fuck ... Its Jordy at Snapper by the way.. and I dont identify with it its just a pic
Where u from S.J.?
@Roller
My name is Mark not Mike. And you are all talk no action. Obvious.
@post-mark
Brisbane Mark
Even the photos of O.Write and [i think]Parko are already being used in day one one the contest .M.P didnt hang with no murders whats this b.s trying to drag M.P,s name in mud ,on the weekend of his death .shit go that .