Poetry (Sunshine in the distance)

Some sunny day's I get happily angry at myself for doubting the beauty of a day unexpected
Maybe waves of consequence come in their own time
but beauty is as i imagine it always was
no wind and water clear as daylight blue
It's not what I'd hoped for
but maybe what I need
time to imagine the feeling of fear
which seems long overdue
It always felt it came after the winds grew strong
or maybe just when the nights became cold

a chance to find out what one may find
from oneself
against the rise of the coming sun
to belief only just born from
swells not yet begun

But feeling it in the air
there is change
it's coming
sure as the dawn
and what it ever became
the beauty of the rising sun
Illuminating the horizon of swells cascading onto sandbanks
long begun
In the tide of no waves
and the gentle roll of warm waters never ceasing to the cold
I imagine the pain of swimming in the snow
and laugh at how beautifully the water is anything but like warm butter
I'm sorry I ever complained about no waves
If it's like this every day no day will have gone to waste
I find myself wondering again why I'm working
and what I can do to be able to have days like these
still
I guess i should take a day off for two foot
because at three i can almost see it in the distance
Maybe I better learn to read the surf report right
and figure out
i should have been here but couldn't so didn't decide
i was always right
the first time
My judgement gets the better of me all the while
I suppose it's why i come back to the fear
and fear it's return
Like i ever complained it would ever get big here
in this place
Just wait till summer fat boy
It's already here
it never left didn't you know
The fear returns this time next week with the trade wind
of seasons changed
I'm glad summer never believed it should leave
Maybe I should never have doubted like i do now
yet somehow I know what my doubt seeks to dispose
in the wind
the message
"you will cast you fears into the ocean again"