Couldn’t grow a choko vine over a dunny.

Dry as a dead dog's [redacted]?

Not here to [redacted] spiders?

Madder than a cut snake?

Running around like a headless chook?

I’ll start…
Couldn’t organise a root in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.
I’m so hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck.
It would be also interesting to see regional variations or “I’ve never heard that ever”

^^ thanks pops. Beat me.
I love the spiders one! That’s classic Aussie

Face like smashed crab.

Yes. I know that one as head like a….

Banged like a dunny door

Dingoes breakfast

Waxxy may take an interest in this. What’s the full spider saying Wax old mate?

how was old mate, getting about like a half shut pocket knife, skunked off his tits?

Busier than a one harmed cab driver with crabs . Busier than a one legged man at a arse kicking contest . Busier than a one handed bricklayer in Beirut .

Busier than Supafreak rowing a dinghy with a treble stuck in his arm

I prefer 'face like a dropped pie'.

Seen a better head on a beer.
About as organised as a whores handbag.
Couldn't organise a piss in a brewery.
As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike..

Happy as a bastard on Fathers Day

Haha some good (and new) ones. I’ve never heard that one b6!
Must be a weirdo SA one!

All over the place like a mad woman’s shit.
Probably be cancelled for that one today.

Get a dog up ya,

He's so unlucky if he fell into a bucket of tits he'd come out sucking his thumb.

(Not quite an Aussie saying. That was actually from a Sid the Sexist cartoon in a Viz comic that I read almost forty years ago.)

Bloody good none the less

Old mate's ac/dc... bats for both sides.

I’m as dry as a nun’s nasty
His teeth are so bucked he could eat an apple through a tennis racket
As popular as a cut snake in a sleeping bag
So ugly she/he would scare a dog out of a butcher’s shop
Just call him pantyhose, lower than a ***t
He/she has a face only a mother could love
I’m drier than the bottom of a cockie’s cage
Uglier than a sack full of arseholes
I’m so hungry cut it’s horns and tail off and send it in
A man is not camel give me a drink

The lights are on but noone is home
Couple of roos short in the top paddock

Couldn't get a kick in a stampede.

Pull ya head in.

So ugly the tide wouldn't take her out.

Flat out like a lizard drinking

Fair suck of the sav

Fair suck of the sauce bottle
Fair crack of the whip

tubeshooter wrote:

So ugly the tide wouldn't take her out.

That cracked me up

This is gold. I love being Australian.
That’s why I’m worried it’ll be lost in twenty years. I really feel it’s something to be proud of.

Off, like a jar of pickled foreskins

Lower than a snake's bum.
Smaller than a bee's dick.

Your mother is so ugly when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said sorry no professionals.
When she was born they almost threw her out and kept the afterbirth.
She's so ugly she knows the price of drinks at the bar.

dick is so small they had to cut his pubes to see which one bled

Haha fook I’m giggling like a schoolgirl

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs .

As popular as a pork chop at a Jewish wedding.

Couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.

Like a bull in a china shop
As mad as a meat axe

Sticks like shit to a blanket
Pulls like a 16 year old
So lazy he/she wouldn’t work in an iron lung
Off like a rat up a drain pipe
Shifter than a sewer rat

Nun's nasty flying the flags.

.

As handy as a hat full of arse holes

As tight as a nun's budget.

More flex than a Thai hooker.

.

As bent as a Greek tax accountant.

.

Oh wow, yes GS? sticks like shit to a blanket. One of my favourites!!

Cold enough to freeze the retreads off a 180B..
Couldn't pull the skin off a rice pudding.
A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.

(great thread seeds

…..off a cold custard ;)

Im that Hungry i could Eat the Arse out of Pauline Hanson .